Anxiety and being an imposter

Look at the 4 floor library, isn't this awesome. Just coming here everyday to a place so peaceful is, I would say, a privilege.

Sometimes I wonder do we, people who want to get into research do it because it's our passion? Or are we trying to rub intellectual superiority in front of others?
We think we have escaped the forbidden ropes of money, guilt, fame and tread the path where less people stride, but is that even true? What is exactly different? Are we doing world a favour? I mean yes and no, but isn't everyone playing a little part? Then what is so unique about researchers that we are so proud of?

As my bachelor progressed, I came to those questions again and again but I still haven't gotten to the bottom of it.

What is that I am chasing? What do I want to do? I mean yes I am pursuing certain subjects (and subtopics) in astrophysics. And yes they are intriguing. I still feel the fire is there within me. But am I doing enough?

Am I doing everything that is in my capacity to learn more and advance the collective understanding? I don't think so! I feel there is so much more I could have done and should be doing. But I what in turn end up doing is enjoying some pizzas or maybe some episodes of my favourite series. But wait is it wrong to enjoy? I guess people always say moderation is the key.

But are we, people who are in research, ever do things in moderation? Don't we end up working 7 days a week, the whole year. Or running an experiment late to the night. Are we obsessing over what we do? Or are we scared to not fill in before the deadline. To write the next paper. To get into the best college.

And when opportunities do fall into my way, why do I feel like I am not really giving them justice.

Am I even a good student? I wonder what path of passion is this, that doesn't let me sleep properly at nights. Or is that normal for everyone else?